Remember back in the Old Testament when the Israelites prayed and prayed and prayed to the Lord to deliver them from Egypt? If you don't, it goes something like this... The Israelites were enslaved in Egypt. For years and years they prayed that the Lord would free them from their slavery. They worked day in and day out in misery. They were abused and thrown away by the Egyptians, but they faithfully prayed and trusted that the Lord would deliver them. So, in His time, the Lord called Moses to deliver the Israelites from slavery. Moses delivered the Israelites from Egypt to what?...the desert. Of course, this was not the ultimate outcome, but for a time the Israelites were in the desert. How does this story possibly apply to us? Well, I can tell you how it applies to me...
This week, I got a new haircut. No big deal, just was feeling bored and wanted something new. The interesting thing is, I didn't pick a "new" haircut, I picked an "old" haircut. To the hairdresser I went, with an old photo of myself. When the stylist finished with my haircut, do you think I liked it? Do you think I thought it looked better? Nope...
Two weeks ago, our family set out on a cross country trip to move our family of seven (plus the dog) from NJ to Oregon. We had many reasons, the economy (we couldn't sell our house in OR), a better life for our boys, and a slower pace were some that come to mind. We loaded up in a 26 foot moving truck and our suburban, both towing trailers, and preceeded to spend 5 very long days on the road. There were many tearful outbursts, angry exchanges and stressful traffic conditions along the way. Each night, we threw ourselves on hotel beds and groaned about our circumstances. We finally arrived in Oregon, got settled (sort of) and tried to assume the life we left 2 years before...
Many years ago, my husband and I decided to build a house. We had 5 sons under 7 at the time, and we found a piece of property and began the process. While building the house, we were blessed with the opportunity to live, rent free, in a small trailer near our new property. The trailer was built in the 1960's. This was 2004. It was a single wide and had 800 square feet of living space. I was a stay at home mom, and spent much of my time organizing and reorganizing this space in order to accomodate our large family. I remember that I was so miserable...
The interesting thing about the Israelites is that they begged the Lord for deliverance from their condition and He answered their prayers. Once they were delivered, however, their circumstances were not what they imagined, so they began to complain and reflect on their slavery in a different light. In the desert, they didn't have enough to eat, their feet were tired and they were tired of waiting for what the Lord had promised them. They began to long for their slavery, even after they begged for their freedom.
So, my haircuts always look better in retrospect. I am rarely, if ever, satisfied with how my hair looks in the present, or what it could look like in the future. I always think it was better in the past...
Our cross country trip? I actually find myself longing for the hotels, which I didn't have to clean, and the meals on the road, I didn't have to prepare. Not having a schedule and a calender to follow didn't seem so bad...
And that old trailer? Sometimes, I actually long for the simpleness of it. The small space and the stress of building our dream home, are actually appealing to me sometimes. Chasing mice in my living room is funny now, not dreadful...
The Lord must get so frustrated with me. He answers my prayers and I complain and look back. The wonderful truth is though, that the Lord did not get frustrated with the Israelites, and He does not get frustrated with me. He answers our complaints with patience and love. Thank goodness, He knows what's best for me, otherwise I would live my life with nothing but regret, constantly looking back and never seeing the future. The tragedy is that even knowing the truth of the Lord's love for us, we can still live with a life full of regret. Never reaching our full potential can easily become a reality if our eyes are always looking back.
So, moving forward literally requires my eyes to be looking ahead. Letting go of the past and putting down the guilt and regret, are a challenge only the Lord can handle. Thankfully, the Lord not only can handle it, He wants to handle it. Whether or not we let Him is a choice we have to make. Sometimes, I have to make it over and over again. But I know He has plans for me, so I will keep trying to lay down the regret and be hopeful to my future in Him.
