being real...

sometimes i wonder what the world would like if it were real. what would it look like in your home, your workplace, your television and your church, if people were real? i know it sounds like a strange concept and really it is...but since i have been struggling with it recently, and actually always, i am wondering if i'm alone?

i read a book recently that had a profound impact on me. the book is called "7". in general, the theme of the book challenges the cultural condition of our country. it's a book about shedding the "excess" we all strive to accumulate in an effort to fully understand the extent to which the "church" resembles the "world". it was quite convicting for me, but lately i've been struggling not as much with stuff, but more with appearances. following the same line of thinking, it seems most of the efforts of people in our culture are directed toward appearing like everything is perfect, all the time. when we are met with people who don't strive to appear perfect, we are uncomfortable. we label them as vulnerable, steer clear of them, and/or be sure to express contempt for their pathetic, assuredly self inflicted mess of a life. does that sting anyone besides me?

i have to tell you, keeping up appearances is absolutely killing me. it is truly exhausting! it seems to take every ounce of energy i have just to muster up the fake smile that goes with it. sometimes, i have this urge to scream "guess what? i don't have it all together!" i think the only reason i don't yell it out is because i am so afraid of the reaction. to be honest, i haven't written anything lately because i can't. i think about writing and i quickly remind myself, that i'm a mess and nobody wants to know that. and even more importantly...i don't want anyone to know that!! but then i realized that makes me just like everyone else...completely afraid to be real.

when i have truly reached the end of myself, i end up in the Psalms. i find David's writings to be so revealing. sometimes, i read them and the words literally bring me to tears. Psalm 6:6 says "i am worn out from groaning, all night long i flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. my eyes grow weak with sorrow, they fail because of all my foes." whoa...talk about being real! can you imagine if David did what i do? what many of us do? and failed to write those words? what if he worried that everyone would think he was weak if he "blogged" about his struggles? what if he only admitted his shortcomings to the Lord and failed to do what the Lord spoke to him by writing the Psalms? please don't get me wrong, i certainly am not claiming to be David, but i am claiming to know these truths. the Lord meets us wherever we are and is able to use us to accomplish great things. but what if we have to "be real" in order for those things to be accomplished? are we still willing? what if we have to be vulnerable? are we still willing? what if we have to risk the image we are trying so desperately to keep up? are we still willing?

i have to tell you, friends...i am too exhausted with my image. i am in need of some "real" time with the Lord. it's definitely scary. the thought of being vulnerable is uncomfortable to say the least. but what if someone else can be influenced or even rescued as a result? what if i spend my life looking "perfect" to the world and completely missing the potential the Lord created me for? that thought is even scarier...

Psalm 18:30 - "as for God, his way is perfect..."

His perfection is all this girl has, and i do know that it is plenty...