Smiles, Tears and Obedience...

Goosebumps...that's the only word I can think of to describe what happened in our lives today. It seems like a lame word to describe what actually took place, but somehow it is the only description that comes to mind tonight. This post has been running through my head all day and my only fear in sharing it, is that I won't do it justice. But I'm in a season of great change and the Lord has pressed on my heart the importance of sharing it...so, here goes!

Still deep in the throws of the wrench the Lord threw in my life recently, called "7", (see previous post) I have been unable to enjoy my usual comforts while completely ignoring the less fortunate(thanks Jen Hatmaker). This usually is not a problem for me. My past behaviors will show that I am a Christian woman who rarely thinks much about the homeless, the hungry, the sick and the poor. I mean after all, I have to pick out something fashionable to wear to work, eat my breakfast, start one of my two cars and get to town early enough to stop and get my latte. Not to mention, save enough time to complain about it and force the barista to remake it when it isn't hot enough! (eye roll here) Sure, I love Jesus. I am a regular attender at my church, serve on the worship team, throw my allocated percentage in the offering plate and when a fellow church member is sick or has a baby, I make a meal. So, I am obediently following the standards of the modern American church, checking the box, blessing the blessed, serving the saved and all the while wondering..."is this it?" Well, this week that question has been answered with "actually, Rebekah...no".

The Lord is moving me. He is changing my heart. He is taking off the blinders I wear to protect me from seeing things that might make me uncomfortable. The man begging for money outside of Fred Meyer. The alcoholic who hears voices so he quiets them with drunkenness. The elderly woman who waits alone to die, rather than call an ambulance because she doesn't want to live anymore. The young boy at the wrestling tournament who drove himself there, no parent to cheer him on, no coach to teach him, no one to rely on but himself. All of the sudden, the disfortunate are all I can see. The Lord points them out to me everywhere, and His Holy Spirit pursues me to do something about it until I can no longer run from it. And I am so thankful to Him for the awakening.

That's the background, today's story goes like this...Last night, Thane and I went out to dinner with our friends. We almost didn't make it. There were plenty of obstacles that tried to prevent it. But we managed to get out to a lovely restaurant on the bay with our two closest friends who also love Jesus. We started talking about "7". They started asking me about it actually, and I am so overflowing right now that it's my very favorite thing to talk about! We talked about the modern church and its resemblance to, or lack there of, the bride of Christ. We all attend the same church, so I asked the question "if Jesus came to our church on Sunday, would He be pleased or would He look around and say 'Really?'" It's a challenging question, one I am wrestling with daily right now.

Thane has been listening to me every night, so none of this was new to him. He has patiently lent an ear to my mandatory readings from "7" and has nodded his head, tilted his head to the side and raised his eyebrows, and once he even asked, "are you going to start giving away all my stuff?" He is such a remarkable man. He takes in so much, but reveals very little. He is not full of words, he is a man known by his actions. So, I have definitely felt his support in this season of change, but not necessarily a desire to participate. But I am the only one accountable for me, so I trust the Lord to work on everyone else.

This morning as I hurried myself to church ahead of my family. (worship team practice) I was late as usual, worried about my voice (ahem, image!) and focused on trying to remember when to come in on all the different songs. I saw Thane and our boys come in to church, and as worship began, I smiled at him from the stage and his eyes greeted mine with the same twinkle he has always had when he looks at me. Then something scary happened...as I was singing, I heard someone say "ask them if they're ready to have their hearts broken". What?!!! "who said that?", I thought as I continued singing. "ask them if they're ready to have their hearts broken for what breaks mine." What the?....Lord? is that you? "No", I quickly dismissed it, "that is NOT the Lord, that is just you trying to make things about you and what you're experiencing...that is NOT from the Lord!...now, just keep singing!" The next song started, and we got to the line that says, "break our hearts, to see the need in this world...King of hope, your kingdom come"...I heard Him again, "i want you to ask them". When the song closed, the worship leader started talking about the needs that exist all around us that we don't even see, when he finished speaking I put my mouth up to the microphone and obeyed the Lord. "He wants me to ask you if you're willing to have your heart broken...He wants to show you what breaks His heart so you can show His love." We sang the song again and I fell to my knees, I could not sing, I layed on the floor and cried, I literally poured out myself at the feet of Jesus, many from the congregation and the worship team joined me. We sang, we cried, we asked the Lord to open our eyes and fill us with compassion for what we see. As worship finished, I came to my feet and noticed Thane rising up from the floor also. It overwhelmed me to see him there, to see he answered with action. I could not stop smiling.

When church finished today, we made our way to the door visiting and chatting with our brothers and sisters in Christ. When I was ready to go, I started to look for Thane. I didn't see him in the sanctuary so I headed outside and spotted him visiting under a tree with a rather unkept man. The man was carrying all of his belongings in a very tethered backpack. His shoes were worn, his clothes were dirty, his hair was greasy and everything he owned was in this backpack. I watched as Thane visited with him, listening and sharing like he had nothing else to do today. They talked for some time and I waited, watching from a distance. They shook hands and parted ways. I went and got muffins on the way home as a treat for the boys, and when I got home Thane wasn't there. "Where's your dad?" I asked the boys. "oh, he went in the garage and got his military backpack, you know the one with the frame, that he got in the army...the one that he loves!" my second son said..."he's givin it to that homeless guy that he was talking to outside the church."

When he got home a few minutes later, I greeted him with a huge hug and a smile. "wow!" I said, "you are amazing! I am so proud of you!" As he shared the story with me in our kitchen, I could not stop grinning, and crying...The joy of the Lord is uncontainable, His love has no boundaries, He challenges us with opportunities to love every day. When we give ourselves over to Him, He is able to do great things...